Presently Kelly: Week One
As I write this, it was one week ago that I got back from a beautiful weekend in Tahoe. It was everything you’d want Tahoe to be: gorgeous, filled with relaxing activities, good food, and friends. I mean….look at this view!
Beautiful, right?
And I got home and burst into tears.
Not really the happy kind, either–although they lead to some major joy.*
*You’ll see random asterisks throughout my blog–that’s usually an indication of a little nugget that I think is worth highlighting. In this case–there are so many painful things that lead to so much happiness.
Back to the tears.
In that moment, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep shaping who I was around my need for others to love me.
If you’ve done this before, for any length of time, you know–this can scrape away at you, like a sandpaper on your authenticity. Your inner people pleaser is the sandpaper that grates and sands and pretty soon your external self is so smoothly shaped into what someone else needs you to be, you can’t even recognize yourself in the crumpled-up piece of sandpaper on the ground.
(Side note if you’ve recently sand-papered anything, it’s really quite tiring, so I’m going to keep going with this analogy).
Back to the tears again.
When I realized just how empty I felt, I hit the equivalent of the people-pleaser’s rock bottom: being so immersed in being what others needed, I didn’t even know who I had shaped myself into (is that freshly sanded piece of wood a…figurine? a…plank? a…shelf? No one knows. I don’t even know. I’m just hoping that is it the right amount of pleasing to someone else.) More on that in a future post, but suffice it to say that moment of realization was a life changing moment.
And you know what was even more life changing than that?
Deciding to do something about it.
One week later, and I’m already eternally grateful that I did.
In honor of this blog being a journey together, each week I’ll share with you my takeaways and any standout lessons I learned. Some will be exciting, some may be messy, but they are all a part of the process to building your favorite you.
So what is it? What was the action that changed my life?
It was shifting my awareness. And not in a large chunk, mind you, but I worked on noticing what brought me joy. And with that, here is the week 1 lesson (and maybe even homework, if you’re ready!)
If you have one take away, one piece of action that you implement from this post, this is a good starting place:
Find out what YOU like.
Nope–not what you like because it makes others happy or it molds you a little more into what someone else wants you to be…but what YOU actually like. Stretch yourself to come up with three things. If you’re feeling it, keep going!
If you’re pretty comfortable with that, try digging in and making it really specific. Instead of “I like coffee”, try “I like a hot cup of coffee with the perfect amount of cream”. The more specific you can get on this, the more you can incorporate those items into your life!
It sounds really easy.
Maybe it is for some of you–if that’s the case, fantastic job.
But for those of you who are slightly panicked at this idea…I feel you. I’m with you. Take this little baby step of finding those three things–no matter how big, small, or ‘medium’ they may seem. Jot them down in your journal.
You know what I would really love? For you to comment them below. Let’s share them with each other, let’s inspire each other, and know that YOU are so worthy of all that joy. I’ll start by sharing mine in the comments below.
To not needing sandpaper any more,
Kelly
Kelly Spencer
Hi, I'm Kelly! I'm a mid-thirties gal on a journey to create my favorite life. I'd love for you to come along, and create a dream life of your own!
18 Comments
Kelly Spencer
1- Driving around and one of your favorite songs come on. Extra points for getting to blast it and sing along at the top of my lungs (regardless of if I know all the words)
2- The first sip of a pumpkin spice latte
3- Swimming! Not lap swimming, but actually playing in the pool/lake/ocean!
Karen
This was REALLY good. I like being in Disneyland with my favorite people 😊
Kelly Spencer
I am pretty sure all those people love that with you, too! 🙂
Lily
I love your writing style, Kelly!!
1) Reading a book that fits my mood perfectly
2) Bites of a princess cakes without fondant
3) Hearing favorite songs in the 2000 – 2009 range that I forgot about
Kelly Spencer
Thank you Lily!! Those are suchhh good ones, I 100% agree with all 3! Speaking of, do you have any book recs?!
Emily
Numbering these felt stressful, but here are some I can think of from this weekend:
– A glass of ice water that’s been sitting out just long enough to get “sweaty”
– Feeling “at home” in the home of great friends…knowing where to find things in the kitchen, having a cabinet full of swim diapers and pool toys for my daughter there, etc.
– Having friends who feel like siblings/family…I don’t have a lot of friends but boy are the ones I do have deep and true. (You included…our friendship in years has been short but in depth…woo girl I feel like you are one of a very small collection of people who really sees me)
– Biking through this one part of the trail in my neighborhood that’s covered by trees…it’s thrilling and reminds me of childhood bike rides and if I’m honest it’s the hardest i push on the “trail” because I’m afraid of snakes falling from the tree. That’s for the motivation, snakes! Zoom zoom!
Kelly Spencer
Oh my gosh, you NAILED IT. And I 100% feel the same about you. I am so team Emily. Also are snakes falling from trees a real thing? That is terrifying. Good positive twist there.
Nydia Vargas
1. I love getting up early and seeing the sunrise on a new day. What I really like is the early morning when the world is a little bit quieter.
2. I love traveling but I really love it more when I get to share the experience with others because the memories will always last a lifetime.
3 I love being around people who inspire me with their actions and words. To help me make sure that I continue to work on being the best version of myself
Thank you Kelly for share this journey with all of us. May we all learn and grow with you.
Love you girl!
Kelly Spencer
Oooh….these are so good….and…do you want to see a sunrise in Vermont?! I totally think we should do that! I’m so glad to know you and call you friend Nyd <3 love you!
Nydia
You know we must see that sunrise while having our morning coffee. Yes
Bee
Good for you, Kelly! I’m rooting for you to keep finding those joyful things and burning alllllll the sandpaper.
1) vintage papers, books, pictures, ephemera, etc and collaging with it. And staring at it.
2) laughing until it hurts.
3) meditation
Kelly Spencer
I LOVE #1 because I love staring at the collages you make!!! AND your sense of humor is always making me laugh, I love being around you! PS…I may need some meditation tips. I’m trying!!
Quereeda Shalom
The 3 things I really love
1. The fist sip of hot coffee in the morning. Preferably a peppermint or white mocha.
2. The crisp cool air in the early mornings before the sun starts to peak.
3. A perfect weather hike down to crystal clear water to take a dip in!
Kelly Spencer
OH MY GOSH. You know what this reminds me of? Getting Starbucks after the Turkey Trot that one year! Perfect sip of hot coffee in the crisp cool air (although the sun was up and there was no crystal clear water, but you get the idea!). Let’s please make #3 happen soon!!
Hannah
I absolutely love this!
1. I love an iced cold white mocha in the peace and quiet. It gives me time to myself while enjoying my favorite drink.
2. I struggle doing this one but I love doing self care. Specifically taking a shower, doing my hair, taking time to do a face mask and putting on clothes I feel good in!
3. I love going to church. I love standing up and singing and praising the lord it sets up the rest of my day and makes me feel so happy
Kelly Spencer
Oh I love these! I totally agree, I love a good worship session. There’s something that’s so calming and energizing about it? I know those sound like opposites LOL but it somehow happens!!
Katie Jane
I love: listening to musicals by myself. My first cup of coffee in the morning. Meeting “fast friends.” People you’ve never met before but somehow you connect on every level and you’re just…fast friends.
Kelly Spencer
I absolutely love this! There’s just something about that first cup of coffee in the morning, right?